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Chapter 8 Writing Style
Revision
The CD you sent by messenger arrived today at 11:30 a.m. Unfortunately,
the meeting to discuss photography for the brochure was at 9:00 a.m., so
I was not able to present your photos for consideration in the brochure.
When your writing is concise, you do not waste time explaining every detail of
the situation. Subsequently, the reader does not waste time either.
✔Checkpoint
1. Why should you avoid a series of short sentences?
2. In which voice is the subject doing the action?
3. What role do frills play in business writing?
CASE
The Price Is Right
Dane Kravitz is a self-published author whose book Modern Home Renovation
is for sale on his Web site. On Monday, he received an e-mail from Dorothy Greco, a
customer who had purchased the book online. Ms. Greco had been charged $28.45
on her credit card statement and was questioning the price of the book. She said
she had expected to be charged $24.95, the price advertised on the Web site. Dane
knew why the price was higher—the Web site had neglected to list the shipping cost
that the customer would be charged. This is the copy that was on the Web site:
Modern Home Renovation is a book that every homeowner should have on
the shelf. This book will help you learn all the angles to not only remodel your
home but make it a showplace. Your friends and neighbors will think you are
awesome and wonder how you learned to be so creative without a contractor.
For a limited time, you can buy this book for only $24.95. Don’t waste time—
order today.
1. Did Dane use the right words when writing the Web copy?
2. Did Dane use the four C’s of communication while writing this Web copy? Why
or why not?
3. Rewrite the copy to make it more clear and concise. Be sure it includes the
shipping cost.
Writing Effective Paragraphs
Effective paragraphs are a series of well-written, coherent sentences
arranged in a meaningful order. Think of a paragraph as having three main
parts: introduction or topic sentence, developmental sentences, and closing or
summarizing sentence. Good paragraphs:
• use general statements to introduce and summarize main ideas
• provide specifi c statements that support the main idea