20 Part 1 Decisions About Parenting
What skills seem to be the most instinc-
tive? Some people are skilled observers of
others. This skill allows them to quickly
recognize their children’s needs and
respond. Other less-instinctive qualities are
the personal qualities you have studied—
nurturance, dedication, and flexibility. Even
these skills can be improved with knowledge,
training, and experience. All parenting
skills are not instinctive, however. This is a
myth because many parenting skills must
be learned through gaining knowledge and
experience.
Myth #2: A mature adult
can be a perfect parent.
Parenting is a human role. Humans are
not perfect so no one can be a perfect parent.
Even mature adults lack some parenting
knowledge and skills. Mature adults make
mistakes, too. Parenting involves children
who are also imperfect people.
Trying to be perfect parents is not good
for parents or their children. When parents
make mistakes, they may feel as though they
are failures. Lack of confidence often results
in more parenting mistakes and robs parents
of the joys of parenting. If parents try too
hard to be perfect, children pick up on their
parents’ anxiety. Parental anxiety lowers
children’s self-confidence, too.
Mature adults should strive to become
competent parents, not perfect parents,
through parent education and real-life
experiences, 1-6. Competent parents will
make mistakes but will also learn from
them. At times, they will even need to say
“I’m sorry” to their children. Yet, they can be
confident they are responsible parents who
handle most parenting tasks well.
Myth #3: Good parenting
guarantees “good” children.
This myth closely relates to Myth #2. In
the past, much pressure was put on parents to
perform the “right” parenting actions in order
for children to grow into healthy adults. This
myth is based on the idea that personality
is completely formed in the early years.
Early experiences are most important, but
personality continues to develop throughout
life. Influences outside the family, such as
peers, adults other than parents, and media,
affect children in healthy or unhealthy ways.
Parenthood does not come with any
guarantees. However, effective parenting
highly increases the chance of having
children grow to be responsible adults. It also
leads to positive relationships with parents
and their adult children.
Myth #4: Parenting is always fun.
From the outside looking in, it is easier
to see the rewards of parenting than the
challenges and responsibilities. People who
are not yet parents cannot foresee all these
less-positive aspects. Parents who have raised
children sometimes look back and remember
the good times more easily than the bad.
Like any other job, parenting can be
fun, sad, exciting, boring, satisfying, and
frustrating. The point is you need to have
realistic expectations. You will soon be
disappointed if you believe parenting is just
one fun day after another. You may even
grow to resent your child for not fulfilling
your dreams of parenting bliss. On the other
hand, if you can accept that bad times occur,
too, you will probably enjoy parenting.
1-6 Parents must be prepared to accept the reality
that their children can have difficult moments.